Buried Deep
by Mizz Blackshaw
Summary: Chi Chi always made sure to express how she felt, but what if there was something even deeper beyond the surface? Something deep inside of her waiting to explode. How would Goku and Gohan fighting in the Cell Games effect their marriage?


A/N: Requested by Charismatic Beauty. Thank you!

Buried Deep

I hated yelling at Goku. Sometimes, I just wanted to give up and live the life he did. But where would we be? No money, no roof over our head, we wouldn't be grounded. We would've never settled down. And what about Gohan…?

Every time I thought about it, I'd have to yell again.

"Have you even thought this through? What if something happens to him?!" I yelled again probably for the fourth time. My voice was cracking and it was pretty late in the evening. Everyone else was winding down and getting ready for bed, but Goku and I were still fighting on the subject.

"That's why we're training, Chi Chi." He said. "Once the time comes, we'll be ready!"

I hated when he did that. Every time we "fight," I'm doing the yelling while he's smiling and compromising like I'm a little girl. He doesn't take anything I say seriously! "You…! You…!"

He stepped back and raised his hands in defense. "Now, Chi Chi… Haven't we fought about this long enough?"

I looked over and saw that Gohan's door was cracked open. It was quickly and quietly closed shut. I looked back at Goku who stared dumbfounded as he rubbed the back of his neck. Then I was suddenly aware of how quiet it was. I took a breath and dropped my hands to the side. My face fell as I went back into our bedroom. I went to bed with a weird tight feeling in my chest. It was like my heart was getting pulled into my throat. I cleared it several times to get the feeling out and my voice back.

I lied in bed without any way of falling asleep any time soon. The whole time I just stared into the dark wall, trying to make sense of my anger. Maybe it was just sadness. Maybe both. I felt Goku crawl in bed, saying something. I wasn't listening though. I had nothing to say to the man. I couldn't yell anymore. I couldn't even cry. I just laid there for hours.

I was tired. I was tired of being the only one who seemed to care about anything that didn't have to do with fighting. It was like I was the only adult. But I should've known better from when I married Goku. I was just fulfilling a childhood dream. It was like the big catch that would kill me.

It's been a while since I spoke to Goku. They were so busy training or whatever that they probably didn't notice how quiet I've been. The whole time I've been doing housework and cooking, I've been trying to come back with the perfect thing to say. I was definitely going to let them have it when he came back inside.

"Hey, Chi Chi! What's for dinner? I'm starving!" He said.

I whipped around prepared for a verbal annihilation, but then I saw him with Gohan. I clinched my teeth as they came in and sat at the table. "And just what were you guys doing all day?" I finally asked.

"We went fishing again." Gohan said. "This time, we let the fish go whenever we caught them."

"So you weren't training for those Cell Games?" I pressed. "Are you exactly training with my son or is he just helping you?"

"Actually, we're resting for now." Goku explained. "You see, we're on three days of rest and three days of training."

I placed the food in front of them and sat down. "So in a few days, you're going to train _with_ Gohan?"

"Of course!" He answered. "How else is he going to get stronger?"

"Why?" I asked. "It's not like he's going to fight him." No one said anything. "Gohan isn't going to fight that monster, right?"

"Mom…"

I turned to him and back at Goku. He just sat there not knowing what to say next. I took a sip of water before saying "Gohan will get hurt. He's not doing this." Changing the subject quickly, I asked Gohan if he did his studies.

"Well…somewhat…"

"What does that mean?"

He looked down at his food. "I started it, but I never got back to it. But I will after dinner. I promise."

"Fair enough."

* * *

At the end, I picked up the dozens of dishes, Gohan went to study and get ready for bed, while Goku, for some reason, stayed behind. "Chi Chi," he asked, "if I said Gohan was not going to fight in the Cell Games, you'd be happy, right?"

"Yes!" I said, wiping a plate dry. "I would be so happy!"

"And if he was…?"

I submerged another plate underwater and dried my hands. "Goku, do you know what I do for this family?" He didn't answer, so I kept going. "Let me refresh your memory. I cook _so_ much, I clean, and I do what I can to make you happy. But that's not all. I gave you my time and love. I gave you a family. I make sure he gets a proper education to be whatever he wants. I took care of you when you were injured, and I took care of you when you were sick. I do all of those things because I love you. Yes, I may yell at you more often than I should, but it's because I love you and want what's best for the family."

"And I do too…"

"But all you've given me was so much stress and worry. Do you know what a panic attack feels like? It's horrible! I want you…us…to be together for a very long time. All of us. You, me, and Gohan."

"Chi Chi, it's not like that." He said, standing up and holding my hands. "We're trying to protect this world. What use is a family without a planet to live on?"

I snatched my hands back. "Why do you always put our son in the middle of it? You can't play superhero without him?"

"Playing superhero?" He asked. "This is serious stuff, Chi Chi! We fight for our survival, so we need every hand we can get."

"So, what is Gohan? A throwaway player in your game?"

"No, it's not like that."

"Then what?"

"He's stronger than you think!" He actually yelled back. I felt a small victory and that we were actually getting somewhere, but at the same time, I was taken aback. He never really yelled back. So naturally, I matched his tone.

"So putting your little boy out into a deadly battlefield is okay?"

"No!"

"I bet you never think about that, do you?"

"I do!"

"Then why?!"

"Because I know he's strong enough!"

We were both quiet after that. We took a break from yelling and just looked each other in the eye for what seemed like hours.

"Fine. Play your games, but I don't want to get Gohan involved. Is that too much to ask?"

"Look, Chi Chi…"

"Don't talk to me!"

It wasn't the last fight. It's been going on for some time now. Every opportunity we got, we'd argue. Poor Gohan would always find his parents fighting. Eventually, we stopped fighting in front of him. We swept it under the rug whenever friends were around. We made sure we were completely alone, and Goku understood that. He didn't even tell anyone that we had these fights.

Just like the first time, I was yelling until my voice was close to giving out. "I swear you can be so irresponsible, Goku! You never think of the future. You just think about what happens now!"

"Chi Chi, I'm telling you that I do! You'd understand much more if you'd actually listen to me!"

"Like how you listen to me?"

It was quiet again. This time it was because I smashed a plate on the floor. It felt good and I wanted to do it again, but I had to control myself. I bit my quivering lip and sealed my eyes shut. I tried so hard not to cry in front of him so that I wouldn't lose.

"Chi Chi…" He said tenderly and wrapped his arms around me.

I buried my face into his chest and let out what felt like fifteen years worth of worry. I pulled the cloth of his gi to my eyes and let it soak the flow of tears. He held me tighter as I cried harder.

"Why are you crying?" He asked, but I couldn't answer.

We stayed like that for a while until I said "Goku, we can't keep fighting like this."

"I know." He said. "I'm sorry."

"No, I mean…" I took a deep breath and rested on his chest. "I mean we might have to take a break from each other."

"A break? What do you mean?"

I shrugged. "You have to train, right?" He nodded. "Just focus on training and we'll just…keep our distance."

He pulled away. "Wait. I'm confused. Chi Chi, we live in the same house. How do we keep our distance?"

"I don't know. You'll be training most of the time. Go to Kame House or go camping. We can even go to bed at different times so it's like we aren't here. When you're done, we'll be refreshed and ready to start things off again."

He didn't say anything at first. "And this is what you want?"

"It's what we need."

"Okay then."

* * *

The next three days were the hardest. I mostly had the house to myself. I cleaned for no one and I cooked only for myself. It was relaxing, it was serine, it was driving me crazy. Goku was great at this. I've never even seen him. There were some times when I felt him get into bed, but that could've just been my imagination. And that was just the first day.

The second was a little easier. I accepted it as a day to myself. I decided to take a walk on the beautiful day. The breeze gently flowed around me, the flowers were so vibrant, and the animals around looked so majestic. It was so quiet to a point where nature itself was whispering to me. But I couldn't understand what it told me. At the end, I wanted to tell my husband all about it.

The third day was exhausting. I had plenty of time to think about him, my baby boy, and my family as a whole. I thought about what they mean to me. I thought about life without them. It made me want Goku here to apologize. I wanted to start over to the time when getting married was my childhood dream.

"Chi Chi! We're home!" I shot up from bed and raced into the living room. Nothing from them has changed. Goku and Gohan were covered in sweat and ready to eat.

"Goku, Gohan! You're back!" I cheered, hugging and kissing both of them. "How was training?"

"Great!" Gohan cheered.

"Yeah, but now…" Goku was saying until I interrupted him.

"You're probably hungry, right?" I headed towards the kitchen. "Dinner's almost ready. You can tell me all about your progress."

While I was preparing the food, I heard Gohan say "Mom's actually pretty happy."

"See?" Goku whispered back. "She just needed a little time to cool off."

And he was right. Taking the time to step back and imagine life without a family was what really brought me back to Earth. But what happened in the bedroom that night was what brought me to the moon.

"I really missed you." I said again.

"I missed you too."

"I know this is important to you. I won't try to get in the way anymore. I'm just…afraid…"

"It's okay to be scared."

I sat down and tried not to bring up old emotions. It was a time of renewal after all. "You'll save us. I know it."

He sat down next to me, not saying a word.

"What is it?"

He looked at me and smiled. "It's nothing!" He said. "I'm just happy to have time to spend with my family and friends before…" He grew quiet.

"Don't you think you'll win?" He didn't answer. "But of course you will! You're the strongest man ever!"

"Chi Chi… You really changed these past few days."

I blushed. "I guess I just… I'm just really sorry about what happened. If anything happens with the big fight, I don't want our last interaction to be us yelling at each other."

He laughed. "You can't say things like that! We'll lose too quickly!"

"But it's true! I don't want you to go into battle, thinking of all the fights we've been having and…"

"Chi Chi, what exactly are you afraid of?"

I thought about it for a second. It wasn't easy to bring up all the feelings I've buried away. "While you were gone, I kept thinking about if you and Gohan weren't here. I kept thinking about what it would be like if we never got married, and I didn't like it. I went on a walk, and I know that it would've been a lot better if you were there. I'm sure you won't let Gohan fight, but I know you will. If anything happens to you, I don't know what we'd do without you."

"Don't worry about that right now." He told me. "We're fine now."

"But what about…"

"We'll worry about that other stuff when it comes. But for the next three days, we're fine."

There it was. I don't know how, but Goku made everything okay again. "I love you." I gave him a kiss. He scooped me and laid me down. He continued to kiss me and caressed my body. I stroked his now blonde hair. It was a little fearful at first, but he was gentle. His skin was warm. He was laughing and so was I. Each gentle kiss was met with a giggle. Our clothes piled on the floor. I surrendered a sigh and let him have me. I settled for now just like he wanted.

* * *

When he didn't promise me Gohan wouldn't fight, I wanted to faint. I wanted to yell. I wanted to cry. But most importantly, I doubted everything from the break we had until now. Was everything we said true? Were we going to be renewed into the young couple we started with? Did we really start over?

I could've decided to worry, but for once I took a deep breath and calmed myself. Unfortunately for everyone, that didn't last long. I admit that I may have gone a little overboard by all of the broken vases and lamps. Or maybe it was all of the punching and kicking outside of the actual Cell Games arena. What can I say? Watching it was stressful! But fortunately, Gohan came home. Unfortunately, Goku didn't. Not only did he die in battle, he chose not to return. I was convinced it was my fault.

He didn't want to be around me because I often yell. I get angry. But I'm only human. Then again…he probably couldn't take it. Or maybe he didn't want to.

"Mom?" Gohan peaked into my room. "Are you okay?"

I turned around to face him, giving him a fake smile. But it went away soon since I couldn't hold it long. "I will be…" I said. He came over and sat down. "When your father passed, what exactly did he say?"

He thought about it and shrugged. "I don't know exactly, but he did say that without him there would be less danger. But who knows? Maybe he'll find a way back."

"And he was happy?"

"Yeah!" He said. "Everything was fine…"

"Then why didn't he come home?" I raised my voice, pacing the floor. "I just wish I got to say goodbye to him. I wanted him to be careful, but he never came back."

"But, Mom, everything will be fine."

"What if something happens when he's gone? What if it's another threat?" He didn't answer. "How am I going to be a single mother?" I sat down as I started to get dizzy.

Gohan rubbed my back. "Are you okay?"

I continued looking at my feet. It wasn't good to be so opened and exposed in front of my son. Who knows how it could scar him for life. "I'm sorry, Gohan. I guess I'm just a little sad. But I'll be fine soon enough."

But it took a little while. The only thing that dug me out of depression was a long sleep. My father was here to watch over us, so I had time to myself. My dreams took me to weird places. But one of the weirdest ones was in the clouds. There were huge mounds of them strolling along the sky. I couldn't see that far above me and I could barely see what was below.

"Gohan?" I called. "Goku?" I paced along slowly.

"Chi Chi…" I heard him say.

Turning around, Goku was waving from behind. "Goku! You're here!" I tried running to him, but I could only go at a slow pace into his arms as if I was in slow motion. "I miss you so much."

"I miss you too. And Gohan."

"So why did you leave? Is it because of me?"

"No, Chi Chi! It's not that at all."

"I get that I can be selfish and bossy, but at least…!"

"Chi Chi, it's not that. I didn't die because of you."

"I know. You died for the sake of the world."

He took a step back and had his hands on my shoulders. Our eyes locked. "You'll be very happy soon. The heavens above will smile down on you." He said with his normal Goku smile and laugh. "But I need you to try. I need you to take care of yourself and Gohan."

I nodded. "I'll try."

"You're doing an excellent job so far!" He pointed to the horizon. Out there were two children, us. They laughed as they rode the flying nimbus. I was going to run out and join them, but everything started to get hazy. I woke up and got sick immediately.

"You've been feeling sick and tired, huh?" Bulma asked, instigating for answers. "That sounds like me about a couple of years ago."

"I don't know. I thought I was still depressed about Goku, but lately, I've been fine."

She put down her tea and popped up. "Oh?" She asked, adjusting her sunglasses. "He's only been gone for a few weeks, right?"

I shrugged. "About a month, but I feel…good!" I leaned in with a smirk. "I had the perfect dream the other night."

"Perfect how?" She leaned in.

"I saw Goku and we were both in heaven!"

"Heaven?"

"But it was what he said to me that makes me truly happy." Bulma raised an eyebrow. "He said the heavens will smile down on me!"

She leaned back very sly. "Oh, the heavens are smiling alright." She nodded towards me. "Congratulations. When's the due date?"

I sat back and looked at the clouds. "A baby…" I muttered. I gave a small smile but it instantly turned into tears. "How am I supposed to raise a baby without a father?!"

"Hey, hey!" She put a hand on my shoulder and rubbed it a few times. "It's not as bad as it sounds. Look."

I wiped my tears to see what she was pointing to. It was Trunks walking around with his action figures.

"Come here, Trunks."

The toddler waddled to her. It was adorable! "Mama!" He jumped into her lap.

"Trunks, where's Daddy?"

He looked around, thinking about it long and hard. "Idanow." He slurred.

"You don't know?" She asked. "Is he training?" She repeated the question a few times until he said yes with a giggle. "Do you want to train too?"

"Yeah!"

"Go find him!" She released the ball of fire and he ran right inside. "See? He's practically never around and Trunks turned out just fine."

"Yeah, but Vegeta's only 'practically' never around. Goku's never around and will never be around!" I started crying again. "The baby's going to grow up without a father!"

"Yes, but he'll grow up with a strong mother, a great older brother, a fun grandfather, lots of friends, and hey! Who knows? Maybe Goku will find a way back." She handed me a bunch of napkins.

"I'm not strong." I sighed. "I just cried all over my tea." I chuckled.

She laughed too. "You sound just like Vegeta. Tears don't take away from strength. It's natural!"

I settled down. "You're right. I could be having a baby! That's definitely the heavens smiling down on me!" I took a sip. "Not bad."

And she was right. I was pregnant, and I was getting bigger by the day. Each day I was thinking what Goku said. I had to keep trying. I had to look past the grief and onto the light. It wasn't easy, but at least all I had to do was try.

* * *

My child was born by nature with the help of my father and Gohan. My screams travelled through the night, and I was in bed since we couldn't make it to a hospital. Every chance I got, I looked out the window at the starry skies. If this was the gift the heavens gave me, the heavens were going to help! In a way, it did. I felt a bit more calm as the baby was coming to the world.

Completely flushed with a horse voice, I felt the same way I did when I first fought with Goku. I was completely exhausted, full of pain, and super emotional. I was happy the baby was here. I was angry that it hurt so much. I was sad that Goku wasn't here. I just stayed there, looking out the window.

"It's a boy!" Dad exclaimed. "Gohan, come see your brother!"

I heard Gohan cautiously come in. "Wow…my brother."

"He's beautiful."

I gasped as if I was revived when I heard Goku's voice. I sat up and looked around. The others looked at me with question, so I made something up. "Gohan, look at your new brother! Will you help me take care of him?"

"Of course!" He smiled. Dad wrapped him up and handed him to Gohan gently. He made sure it was careful of the Saiyan tail. "I'll help take great care of him. What's his name?"

I looked out the window again, hoping to see Goku again. But nothing came up. It was only the heavens. "Goten." I answered. "His name shall be Goten."

"I love it!" He cheered. "Son Goten."

"Personally," Dad said, "I would've named him Oxford or Oxington, but Goten is a great name too!"

We all laughed and enjoyed the gift given to us.

* * *

The celebrating stopped as the crying continued. It was loud and for no reason, and it's been that way for a while. I tried bouncing him, changing him, feeding him, but all Goten did was cry. "Goku, help me with your son!" I mumbled to myself.

Gohan came in with his ears held shut. "Maybe I should take him outside." He suggested.

"Good idea." I said. It was hard to hear him through the wailing. As soon as I let the boys go, the house was quiet. It was only long enough to take a nap. When he came back, I was already worn out.

"Mom, we're back!" Gohan called. "Goten's hungry again."

"I should've known he'd have an appetite like you and your father." I rolled my eyes and got ready to feed him. "Now, did you study today?"

"I'm just about to."

"Well, I got you a new book. It's on the table." No matter how hard I tried to get things back to normal, something was always poking me towards the wrong direction. Soon nothing was right. Goten was dangerously sucking on my nipple, and Gohan was studying like nothing was wrong. I was alone. Goku wasn't even here to help, and he was so good with babies. The thought repeated in my head several times. Goku wasn't here. I set Goten down in his crib next to my bed and went to finish the dishes.

He wasn't here. But I couldn't help to get him out of my head. I could just see him being happy, while everyone else was working to the bone. And it wasn't fair! I began to doubt if I really saw him in my dream. Was he really there or was it my imagination. Yes, I was blessed with a baby, but I knew something was wrong. He was still crying! And there Goku was. He was just standing there, staring at me from the door.

CRASH!

I dropped a plate. It was soon after where it was another one and another. Soon, I was throwing glass at my husband. "You lied! You lied to me!" I yelled at him. "I know you can hear me!" I smashed a few more. "Why? Why would you lie to me? You always lie to me!" I tossed the table and chairs. I smashed anything breakable. But he was still there, staring. "Why did I get married to you? Why do I love you?"

I stopped. The silence took over as I fell on my knees. I cried hysterically. "Goku, I'm sorry. I do love you, and I miss you." I said in between gasps and hiccups. "I just don't know how I'll go on like this without your warmth and protection." I gasped when I noticed that it was really quiet. "Goten?"

The baby was fine. In fact, he was actually laughing. And it was Gohan by his side making him laugh with funny faces and tickles. My two boys bonding. That was the heavens smiling down on me. Just seeing the two so close so quickly made me feel hopeful. After cleaning up the mess, I decided to join them.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to Gohan. He smiled at me and asked if I was okay. "Everything is fine now."


End file.
